About Privacy & Coming Out
- Pride Flag
Gay's essay, "A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories," questions whose business is it, and why should we care, when celebrities come out? Why is there so much interest in knowing? Why do we really need to know "...all the intimate details of the private lives of very public people," as Gay puts it. Why do we demand that LGBT celebrities come out and serve publicly as "role models" for all LGBT people?
She also problematizes privacy and privilege and the intersections of race, class, gender, and sexuality. Does a celebrity like Anderson Cooper enjoy more privacy, or have less to worry about when coming out than, say, Frank Ocean or Sally Ride or Ricky Martin? What about LGBT people who don't share the privileges of wealth or fame or color privilege, those who could lose their jobs or parenting rights?
Gay unequivocally states in the essay the importance of being an ally:
"As individuals, we may not be able to do much, but when we're silent when someone uses the word "gay" as an insult, we are falling short. When we don't vote to support equal marriage rights, we are falling short. ...We are failing our communities. We are failing civil rights. There are injustices great and small, and even if we can only fight the small ones, at least we are fighting.
Too often, we fail to ask ourselves what sacrifices we will make for the greater good. What stands will we take? We expect role models to model the behaviors we are perfectly capable of modeling ourselves. We know things are getting better. We know we have far to go."
-Roxane Gay, A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories,
in Bad Feminist, p. 197, Harper Collins 2014 ed.
#BadFeministSyllabus:
Privacy & Coming Out: Definition & Readings
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1.refers to the process that people who are LGBTQ go through as they work to accept their sexual orientation or gender identity and share that identity openly with other people.
Source: Planned ParenthoodNote: It was surprisingly hard to find an adequate and unbiased definition for coming out. This nuanced definition from Planned Parenthood is part of a supportive guide aimed at young adults.
Selected Readings - Privacy & Coming Out
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Black Men on Race, Gender, and Sexuality
by Call Number: ebookISBN: 9780814715529Publication Date: 1999-07-01 -
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Does Your Mama Know?
by Call Number: Full text from LGBT Thought & Culture; Alexander StreetISBN: 0965665909Publication Date: 1997-01-01 -
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The following are mentioned in Gay's essay:
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Anderson Cooper Comes Out as TV's 1st Openly Gay Prime Time AnchorMany magazines and news outlets published on this story. This article appeared in the Business section of Forbes magazine, July 2, 2012.
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A Close Look at Frank Ocean's Coming Out LetterFrank Ocean's personal story was less widely reported than others, yet most coverage emphasized the importance of his coming out in the R&B music industry. From NPR, July 5, 2012.
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DC Police investigate attack in Northeast DC as possible hate crimeAssault of Michael Hall and Michael Roike in Washington, DC, in July 2012. This hate crime is mentioned in Gay's "A Tale of Three Coming Out Stories."
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Ricky Martin Comes Out: I am a fortunate homosexual manRicky Martin was aggressively scrutinized for years, which he says made it more difficult to come out. This personal story was widely reported; this version is from ABC News, March 29, 2010.
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Why Sally Ride waited until her death to tell the world she was gayAnother personal story that was widely reported around the world. This article appeared in the Science News section of NBC News, July 24, 2012.